I now understand why people always say "your life is never the same after kids". Wow this was so true. I don't even know what Jackson and I did every night after work before Heaton was here. We have zero time for ourselves, but neither of us would change that in a second. We might change the fact that we haven't slept since August, but he is so worth the lack of sleep!
Simple things like, going to the grocery store, or running over to my parents house, is no easy task with a kid! It doesn't help that he absolutely hates being in his car seat. We try to avoid leaving our house as much as possible, because of the screaming in his car seat. It is almost comical!
Once Heaton was here we had a lot of help. My mom stayed with us the first couple of nights and Jackson's mom stayed with us the next couple of nights following that. Once we finally got into a routine with him, it got much easier. He ate every three hours through the night his first month and a half at home. While I was still at home with him, I took care of him during the night and let Jackson get his sleep. Once I went back to school, that routine went out the window. I was so sleep-deprived that I needed the help desperately. Luckily, my husband recognized that and without even asking him or forcing him, he has helped me every night since. I would feed him and burp him (about a 40 minute process) and Jackson would change him and rock him back to sleep (usually a 20 minute process, but the rocking back to sleep took longer sometimes of course). I am so beyond grateful to be married to such a great guy. Being parents isn't just the mother's job. It took two to create that cute baby, so it should take two, a team, to raise him. He is so good and helpful and I am so grateful to him.
He started sleeping through the night at about four months - we were so excited! We usually wake up to get ready for work about 6:30 and of course he'd want to eat at 5:30 or 6 - so not much getting back to sleep. But hey, at least we weren't up during the night. We started him on some rice cereal but when we went to his check-up they advised us to wait until six months. Even if he drinks a full bottle he still likes to wake up once during the middle of the night for a snack.
He is definitely a morning bird and loves to wake up so happy. It is much easier getting out of bed and hanging out with him in the wee hours of the morning when he is happy. It is so hard to drop him off in the morning when I go to work, because the mornings are his happiest times and he loves to just sit and play and talk with us.
I've had so many people ask me, "aren't you sad that you are missing out on his life because you are working?" or "don't you miss him?" or my all-time favorite was "I can't believe you are having someone else raise your kid."
My "out" in life is coming home to my baby. Most stay-at-home mommies' "outs" are getting out of their house away from their kids. That is about the only way I can answer all of the questions about why I work instead of staying home with my boy. I honestly applaud moms who stay home all day with their children. Of course it was easy to stay home when he was only six weeks old, because he slept a lot and I just sat and held him all day. But they quickly grow out of that phase and it is so much more work. While working, I have had a few days off of school here and there and have realized I am a much better mother when working. On those days off, I have found myself trying to do too much at home, or wanting to sit on Facebook, Instagram or Pintrest - instead of having complete quality time with Heaton. And at the end of the day, I was so relieved when Jackson got home so that I could have a break. I found that I wasn't as patient or tolerant, and didn't give him the quality time that I do now.
It is no question that I am a better mommy to my baby because I am a working mommy. I'm sure some would disagree with that statement, but for me, it is so true. I loved staying at home with him, but I wasn't TRULY happy. I needed some other satisfaction and accomplishment in my life. No matter if I had done dishes, laundry, cleaned all day, I didn't feel accomplished. It is funny because my house is a constant mess every day, because I work, but I feel accomplished when I come home.
I spend as much time with my baby in the morning as I can - he sits and talks to me in his Bumbo seat as I put on my makeup and do my hair, and when I am all ready for school, we sit and rock until 7:25 a.m. Oh how that time comes too quickly! I drop him off at Stacey Shakespear's house - how wonderful and good with him she is would be a whole other blog post in itself - we are so blessed! I head to school and teach a full class of first graders how to read and the basics of math; some of the things we cannot live without. Yes, some mornings are harder than others. I do find myself teary-eyed on my way to school at times, but once I get to school and see how much these first graders need me, it subsides.
When I pick up Heaton and take him home - I am with that boy until his daddy gets home from work. I mean WITH that boy. I'm not worried about social media, the dishes, the laundry or even dinner! We play, we take walks, we eat, and we take a nap together every afternoon. It is honestly the best. I am truly happy. I don't lose patience. I don't get frustrated. I don't force naps upon him so that I can get something done. It is a few perfect hours of just us being together. Yes, daddy steals him away from me when he gets home - but could ya blame him?
Our lives have forever changed! For. the. better. I am so grateful to be a mother AND to be working. We couldn't live the lifestyle that we do if I wasn't working, but more importantly, I wouldn't be as good as a mother if I was at home all day. My time with Heaton is my number one priority. That never changes. It is constant. He is my "out".
